


Alienation

by Brennah_K



Series: The Course of Love [2]
Category: Smallville
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-10-09
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:51:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennah_K/pseuds/Brennah_K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sharing an isolation few could understand ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Father's Wishes

Staring at the miniature landscape, Lex moved phalanx of Trojan soldiers under Pamela’s curious gaze. Glancing back at his notebook, he added the final touches from the battle plan he had devised in response to his father’s attacks and turned to her.

“Do you think I’m a conqueror?” he asked, tilting his head curiously.

“No. Lex, I don’t.”

“But… Why?” Large tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

“You’re a hero, Sweetheart.”

“What’s the difference?” He thought he knew, but wanted to be certain.

“A conqueror wins property, a hero wins hearts.” She answered sadly.


	2. The First Day

Martha peeled Clark’s small hand from its taught grip on her skirt as she introduced him to his first grade teacher.

“This is Clark. He’s just a little shy.” She explained, bending so she could whisper in his ear, “Listen to Miss Kellerman, Sweetie. And. Be. Careful.”

Looking around the room, Clark remembered broken eggs… bent metal spoons… and the puppy that he didn’t mean to hurt as he watched the other children run by-- realizing just how much he could break. Silently, fat tears slid down his cheeks.

“Now, Now.” Miss Kellerman sighed. “The first day is always scary.”


	3. A Sudden Certainty

Clark could pinpoint the moment, down to the second, that he truly knew he was an alien. Intellectually, he realized that they were telling the truth, but he didn’t understand it – not yet. He didn’t feel it when his parents told him or when they showed him the ship or in the cemetery later that night or in Reilly field the next day

Clark actually hadn’t really known that he was for certain - without any doubt- an alien for several months after that. He didn’t know it, in his heart, until his father’s shotgun blast struck him square in the chest – leaving a spattering of quarter-sized bruises… but no other visible scars. He knew that Jonathan had been driven to violence by the Nicodemus plant’s spore; but, sometimes in the late-night quiet, Clark still wondered if Jonathan would have shot a human son.


	4. Cassandra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Cassandra dies her comforting words have some hope for Clark, but as time passes, only the images remain.

Clark perched over the bridge’s railing when Lex finally found him.

Oddly fragile… in Lana’s necklace?

“You should have hit me harder.”

“What?”

“I should have died.”

“Clark?!?”

“Everyone else will. Cassandra showed me.”

“She showed you what, exactly?”

“My hands bloody and gravestones: Chloe’s, Lana’s, Mom’s, Dad’s, Pete’s …”

“Mine?”

“No.” Clark’s head tilted curiously, he paused awkwardly over the rail, then slipped.

Lex grabbed out, but Clark plunged toward the river.

Rushing down the embankment, Lex found Clark at the water’s edge.

“You knew?”

“You don’t have to be Psychic to see.”

Lana’s necklace dangled from his fingertips.


	5. Dear Lex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex crushed the letter in his fist as he re-read those five words, ‘longer than I should have” and understood – really understood this time what Clark’s letter was about.

Dear Lex

“Send it!” Timothy’s voice sounded anxious as he snapped his cell phone shut.

“Sir, Mr. Kent was just caught on the castle’s security cameras visiting your office again.” As Timothy spoke, Lex turned the tense Chief of Security with curiosity.

Clark’s trespasses had become so common that Timothy hardly ever mentioned them unless it was an unusual circumstance like the one Easter that Clark had hidden real eggs for Easter – not knowing that Lex was scheduled for a two-week tour of off-shores holdings and had given the household staff a coinciding vacation

“What is it?” There had to be some reason Timothy would react so unusually.

Timothy pulled the fax from the printer and handed it to Lex.

Dear Lex,

This is a lousy way to do this. I know that, and I’m sorry. I really, really am. I know you probably hate me by now because I’ve done this. But, please don’t tear this up before you read it. Oh, yeah, I’ve also made a CD that I’ve mailed to you. It will say more than this can. Please don’t throw it away until you can look at it when you’re not so mad.

An uneasy feeling came over Lex as he read. It didn’t make sense that Clark would assume he would hate him or tear the letter up or throw away the disk. Their friendship seemed to be on the mend. Even if Clark decided they couldn’t be friends; it would hurt, but Clark had always been a challenge.

“Tim—” Lex didn’t know what he wanted to say, but went on anyway, “Have one of the cars brought around.”

“Sir, I’ve had all of your appointments cancelled for the day, and the helicopter will arrive shortly.” Timothy answered.

Lex jerked his head up in shock, then back to the letter. Why would Timothy think the helicopter was necessary when he knew that Lex hated that mode of transportation? Why had he taken it upon himself to have the appointments… Lex returned to reading the letter with a tight knot of fear growing in his stomach.

Lex, I know you tell me that I say I’m sorry too much, but I don’t think I can ever apologize enough for what I’m doing now. Out of everyone, even Mom and Dad, I know I’m hurting you the most because you’ve been so hurt by your father and so abandoned by everyone else who could have cared for you and made things better. I’m so sorry to be on that list, even before now. Please understand that I really do care about you. I think I might even love you, like a brother and a friend, and I think maybe more.

As Lex read, he felt Timothy’s hand grasp his shoulder and guide him out of the penthouse.

I know you’ll think I’m a coward. That’s okay, because you’re right. I am afraid, afraid of a lot of things. I always have been. That’s why I was on the bridge the day we first met. I was tired of being afraid then too. But, I really didn’t understand what I should have been afraid of. I really believed that being a mutant was the worst thing in the world, and I was afraid every day that I would change like some of the other people had. I never realized how many people had been hurt by the meteors, but I did know that a few had – and that things had become really bad for them. I was so afraid of that happening to me, and I thought that my parent’s were afraid of that too because they knew how strong I was.

Lex traced his finger over the passage. It was almost as if he could feel Clark’s heartache. When Clark had pulled him out of the water, Lex had known he was shaken by something, but had never thought about what Clark had been feeling before Lex’s car had struck him.

I am, I mean I was, well, I still am but I guess it will be was...

Lex puzzled over Clark’s rambling wording. Had something happened that caused Clark to lose his strength? Lex had suspected that there had been earlier lapses, but somehow Lex didn’t think it was the case now.

This is so hard, Lex. So much harder than it was then… when I went out to the bridge... to... kill myself.

“Oh, God.” Tears started rolling down Lex’s cheek as he thought of the fifteen year old Clark feeling so desperate that he would try something like that.

I guess it’s sort of funny to think that you saved my life by knocking me off the bridge.

Lex clutched the letter, finally believing that he understood why Clark would think Lex would be angry… to finally have the truth after so many years of lying. Once Lex might have been, but he had honestly meant it when he told Clark that he wanted to preserve their friendship and wouldn’t go back on that know.

It probably won’t make sense. But, you really did save my life as much as I saved yours. You couldn’t know that, I’m sure because I lied to you right from the start. And because your car didn’t hurt me. I was so upset and scared, thinking it was already too late that I had already started to change because I knew when I was younger, there were times when I had been hurt. But you hit me, and wham, I can’t be killed. I would have probably been heart broken, but I saved you – you know. And that was pretty cool. It was very cool in fact. I still wanted to kill myself, before I changed into something that could hurt my friends and family, but I couldn’t, and I was a little mad about that.

Clark’s outpouring hurt Lex so desperately that he didn’t even notice when Timothy guided him into the passenger side of the helicopter, climbed in behind him, and signaled the pilot to lift off.

Then Whitney and the football team made me the scarecrow and showed me how to get around that little obstacle. The meteors—it’s like I’m allergic to them or something. Well, Lana’s necklace was enough to make me feel like I really could die right there on the cross. Okkayyy, that would have been some pretty weird symbolism, right? (Did I use that right?) I mean like I’m the last son of… well, that’s a loooong story, and it’s on the CD okay. But, trust me, it would have been pretty weird. Anyway, that didn’t happen either. Okay, so I’m dumber than the mule that you have to hit with a two by four, or a car, as the case may be.

Shaking his head, Lex decided he was going to have to have another talk with Clark about being so down on himself. Clark was certainly intelligent enough and the only time he could ever be said to be slow was when he didn’t hit on a course of action that he was usually to compassionate or honest to take anyway.

First time, you hit me, and boom I’m freaked out but still alive. Then I’m hanging on a cross with a strange rock-that-poisons-only-me (even I got that irony) thinking okay, now I can die, and poof right in the middle of the night, you show up out of nowhere and save me again. Even I catch on after a little while. How many other times have you saved me, too? I think I’ve lost count, and I bet you haven’t had any idea how many times you’ve saved me with things as simple as a pool game after I came back from Metropolis. But I do. Basically, 4 years worth. I’ve stayed alive for 4 years longer than I should have because …

Lex crushed the letter in his fist as he re-read those five words, ‘longer than I should have” and understood – really understood this time what Clark’s letter was about and why Timothy had acted so appropriately.

Throwing his head back against the seat, Lex tried to figure out where Clark would go – to do what he was planning. The foundry? He might go there, not knowing that Lex had arranged for it to be cleaned up after he realized that meteors hurt Clark. A number of other places could be excluded as well, and maybe that would give Lex time because he knew Clark hadn’t noticed or commented on Lex’s clean up operations—and Clark would have made some comment if he knew.

Where would he go?

Gulping convulsively, he glanced out the helicopter’s window staring at the roadway below.

“Sir?” Timothy finally interrupted him. Lex didn’t answer, but the Chief of Security could feel his attention.

“Is there somewhere important to him? Somewhere that he maybe mentioned in his note?”

Lex couldn’t look at the note again, but there had been only one place mentioned by name. “The bridge.” Timothy immediately gave the pilot directions.

After several seconds, Lex finally had the nerve to ask, “How long ago did he leave this?” Clark was right on the money about his desire to shred the letter, Lex was half tempted even now to rip it to small pieces and cast them out the helicopter’s window.

“Barely a minute before it was faxed, Sir. If he had left it on your desk, Sir, I assure you we would not have touched it, but he used the combination to your water safe, Sir, and left it there.” After his previous poisonings, at the hands of his father, Lex had made certain that his entire staff knew that he was to be alerted if anyone compromised his bottled water supplies. He never thought that it would be Clark, but knew that his definition of anyone had specifically included “family” referring to his father or half-brother so naturally, they had included Clark.

Small favors. Thank God for small favors.

As the helicopter finally circled over the bridge, Lex stared out searching for Clark and realized that his allotment of small favors had run out when he spotted the Kent’s pick-up truck on the road below. As he scanned the bridge, Lex fought to suppress the fear and anger that were overtaking him when he couldn’t see his friend. As they touched down, he and Timothy shot out of their seats and started down towards the riverbed.

After a moment, as they broke through the trees a small patch of Clark’s red flannel jacket floated to the surface and caught the light as it bobbed.

Lex screamed Clark’s name as they drug him to the surface and carried him to the bank. As Timothy phoned Clark’s parents then the hospital, Lex forced his tightly wrapped fingers to release the meteorite then began mouth to mouth.

And, as Clark began to cough, the words Dear Lex faded from the crumpled fax that floated downstream.


	6. What he didn't know

Lex couldn’t believe it when he first noticed. It was so unlike Clark, who was, despite his obviously-forced lies, the most honest and open person Lex had ever met, but after watching Clark a single afternoon, he knew it was true: Clark never touched anyone else.

He saved people of course: moving them, carrying them, pushing them, or doing whatever else it took to save them. But, he never simply reached out and touched anyone... anyone but Lex.

It was a strange distinction to notice, but what was odder yet was the realization that Clark’s not touching anyone else mattered to Lex.  
Tags: touches


End file.
